Mom had dropped me off at the mall. I bought an album ("Wild Gift" by X) then went to the JC Penney bathroom to see if anything was going on in there. Stood at the urinal. Big beefy muscular hairy white guy with a 70s afro stood beside me, probably late 30s early 40s. Played with himself. I touched his cock. I decided I didn't want him. I left the restroom. He left with me and grabbed my ass, hard, as I was walking out the restroom door. "Come on, son," he said. "We've got to get home," very loudly. This restroom opened up along a bank of customer service representatives, and to ignore him or make a scene would have been embarrassing, so -- what the hell. He did have a nice, muscular body.
He drove me in his van to his apartment. It was the only "high-rise" in the town. I felt special. It was only a mid-rise, really -- 12 floors -- and, frankly, kind of dumpy. I know this because my cousin lived there in later years, and I remember thinking how silly I had been to imagine that this was a glamorous apartment building.
He asked me about the record. I opened it up and he played a little of it. "That's really not all that bad," he said.
Then we went to his bedroom. Rolled around. I ended up on my belly. He was giving me a massage. Then he started fingering my hole. I had never done that. It made me uncomfortable. I squirmed to let him know I didn't want it. I really was that stupid, thinking that as long as I squirmed and showed discomfort, he would know to stop. He kept on. Then he started giving me a massage, rubbing my shoulders and my back while also still fingering my hole. It took me a while to realize that both his hands were on my shoulders, and that that wasn't a finger in my hole.
I panicked, clamped down and started asking him to get out.
He said, no, it would only take just a minute. I tried to squirm out, but he was a muscular body-builder type guy, and even though I was pretty strong myself, he had all the leverage he needed.
I thought that if I held it as tight as possible he would not enjoy himself. I was very angry. I was, like I said, also very naive. I clamped down as hard as I could, trying to hurt his dick with my ass muscles. This was before anybody knew about AIDS, so I wasn't worried about that. I just didn't like it.
When he was done, I didn't say anything. I took a big painful shit and told him that I just wanted to leave. He took me back to the mall. He thanked me. I didn't say anything.
I didn't think it was my fault or anything. I also didn't think of it, at the time, as a rape. I was just pissed off at that guy -- no more than if he had stepped on my foot on purpose, or hit me in the face -- but also no less than that. I saw him cruising again a few times and I always ran. One time he stopped me in the K-Mart bathroom and said, "You weren't all that good, either."
I just broke his grip and left the restroom.
This was not supposed to get you excited. Stop playing with yourself. I'm serious.
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